Cheer camp

The cheerleaders at Burlington High School held a nutrition-based cheer camp over the course of two days, and Alexandra and Grace were able to participate. They had SO. MUCH. FUN!! Such cute girls.

This is our niece, Maddy.

The following picture is in the Worland newspaper!

*Hmmm, I tried uploading the video, but it won't work for some reason. Just trust me, it's cute :)

Really?!

What did I say about accountability? Nearly 10 months ago! Yikes. Well, now that we are living in a land far, far away, I've decided that it would be good to update this dang blog again. There are so many things, little things, that I want to call home to talk about, but of course that's just not practical. So my hope is that this blog will be a good way to document our little day-to-day doings for me, and for all those at home who we love and miss.

So...

A couple nights ago Adelle came running into our bedroom in the middle of the night after having a nightmare. Poor baby literally ran into bed with me, heart pounding and breathing heavily. The next morning when it was time to get ready for school I encouraged her to go in her room and get started. Her bedroom is across the house from ours, and at 6:30 am it's still very dark outside. Still afraid of her nightmare and not wanting to be alone she said, "but it's blank dark out there." Blank dark? How cute! We think she meant "pitch black". That little girl makes my heart hurt she is so cute!

The Elephant in the Room

This is how Adelle tucked herself in bed tonight. The elephant also said his prayers and needed a kiss from Mommy before going to sleep. (ps...Alexa, Grace, and Adelle are all sleeping on the floor in their sleeping bags!)

My sweet babies

I really do believe that I have the sweetest, most amazing daughters. I know a lot of mothers would argue with me, and they should, but that doesn't change my feelings. :0)

Last night Phillip and I were enjoying ourselves on a rare night out. We were spending time with several other couples in our ward. About an hour into the party our neice called (she was watching the girls) to tell us that Sophie threw up. Ugh. I loathe vomit. So we said our goodbyes and came home to a very sad, very needy baby. While Phillip drove our neice and nephews home I laid with Sophie to put her to sleep while our older girls watched a movie. About 30 minutes later I came out of my room to see Grace tucked into bed. "Is Daddy home?" I asked her. "No, Alexa tucked me in!" My sweet, grown-up, insightful little eight year old helped get her sisters ready for bed, brushed Grace's teeth and tucked her in. She knew Sophie needed her mommy so Alexa stepped up to make my night a little easier. I'm so proud of her!

Our little Sophie baby is a spunky, determined little thing! She knows what she wants and she knows exactly how to communicate her desires. The other afternoon Phillip was giving me some loving in the kitchen when Sophie crawled up the stairs as fast as she could screaming, "NO! DOHT!" Then she ran up to us and grabbed my leg to pull me away from Phillip. Geez! What's a girl got to do to get a kiss from her husband?! Needless to say we had a good laugh over that one!

Fort!

This is where the girls have been sleeping the past three nights! I made them a fort on the floor at the foot of our bed. They have been having so much fun with their little flashlights reading books and camping out together. And I must admit, I LOVE knowing all four of my girls are safe and sound in our room. (even Sophie sleeps in our room, although that's a nightly thing!)

Prayer

Tonight in Adelle's prayer she asked that Heavenly Father "please bless the Holy Ghost so strangers won't get him." And "please bless the Holy Ghost so nobody will eat him." She also recently asked that Heavenly Father "please bless that Mommy will do the laundry." What?! (ok, so I was a little behind...) I love listening to this girl pray!

Cool Girl

This is how Sophie took her nap this afternoon. Is that just too cute?!

My reward

Phillip is at school right now so I'm on my own getting the girls to bed. This is not an easy task and tonight has been an unusually rough night. There was a mysterious substance residing at the bottom of the bathtub. I'm still hoping it was pieces of the chocolate chip cookie I let Sophie eat in the tub, although I can't be sure. Regardless, it made it difficult to keep the rest of the girls calm while I quickly bathed them. Then, Sophie pooped on the floor in her bedroom. On the carpet. Gag! I guess I should have put her diaper on sooner! I think I cleaned up each spot of her trail of poo from her room to the bathroom. Back in the bath for Sophie! And this time I know exactly what was in the water. Gross! Adelle changed her jammies three times before settling on some warm fuzzy pink ones, but only after throwing a fit because I wouldn't let her wear a swimsuit to bed. Oh summer, how we miss you. (Doesn't every mother let their daughter wear a swimsuit to bed during the summer?)

Now here is my reward. The girls love sleeping in our bed. We have a king size bed just for this reason. Alexa, Grace, and Adelle are snuggling together on mine and Phillip's pillows while I snuggle Sophie to sleep at the foot of the bed. How I love my big bed! Sophie habitually relaxes herself by running her fingers through my hair and tonight is no exception. She just finished singing herself to sleep. Grace was calm and relaxed without her usual anxieties and gagging episodes that occur at bedtime. I can hear the other three girls deeply breathing and I think, "life is good". I can't help but say a prayer and thank Heavenly Father for this moment. I needed this.

Tom and Jerry

When Adelle is tired she likes to lay in my bed and watch "Tom and Jerry" cartoons. Today she told me, "Mom the cat's name is Tomin, and he's mean to the mouse named Jerry." Tom and Jerry, or Tomin Jerry. It's all the same!

Poor Barbie

Phillip: Adelle, is your Barbie sick?
Adelle: No, she's dead
Phillip: Oh no, how did she die?
Adelle: Ken ran over her with his car.
Phillip: Why?!
Adelle: Ken didn't like her anymore so he killed her with his car

Phillip to me: This is like something out of a soap opera!

Consequences

This evening I sewed a cord cover for a lamp hanging in my family room. I put my sewing needle in a drawer of the tv armoir where I've been keeping my sewing stuff (I was hiding the quilt the girls and I made for Phillip there). This is the same drawer we keep our wii games and remotes. The spirit told me not to put it there since that drawer gets used so much, but I ignored the prompting since I was in a hurry. An hour later Alexa was getting ready to play the wii, the needle fell out, and she stepped on it. It broke in her foot and she spent a painful hour and a half at the doctor's office while he dug the broken piece out. What a way for me to learn a lesson! Why couldn't it be me who stepped on it?! Better yet, why didn't I listen to the prompting of the Holy Ghost. Ugh.

Cheerios

I'm letting Sophie pick Cheerios off the floor and eat them while I work on Christmas gifts, and she is very happy. Does that make me a bad mom, or a mom with wisdom under her belt?

Which child...?

My grandma cut this article out of the newspaper and gave it to me today.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705394839/Which-child-has-the-disability.html
(Be sure to read both pages)

I read it and felt a wave of many different emotions in a very short period of time.

I felt angry, appalled, reminiscent, sad, and then grateful.

I will never forget the day, just before Christmas in 2004, when Phillip and I sat in the doctor's office and we were told our precious little girl would be born with

Spina Bifida.

 As if that isn't enough to bear, I will never forget the moments following when the genetic counselor asked if we wanted to continue with the pregnancy.

WHAT?!

Of course we would!

And we would give birth to our child and love her with everything we have, treat her with all the kindness and love that we treated our other daughter, and give her the best life possible.

It saddens me, and frightens me, that a woman can take a "simple blood test" and decide that her unborn child isn't perfect enough for her, then end that child's life before it even began! I appreciate the question this article poses...

"What is the definition of a disabled child?...The one who cannot love or the one who cannot perform calculus?"

I am grateful every day for my "disabled" child.

So what if she doesn't read as well as the school says she should?

So what if it takes her longer to do her schoolwork?

So what if she has to turn her head in strange positions to see clearly?

So what if she gets a little emotional at recess because she didn't have a chance to tell her sister that she loves her?

 Her capacity to love and forgive is far greater than I could ever hope to have. Thank you, Grace, for teaching me the important things in life.

I love you, my special child

Forever and Ever

Adelle: "Mommy, I love you. I will love you forever and ever, all my life."

Math

Grace: "9+9?! Are you kidding me?! I only have 10 fingers!"
Alexa: "Grace, it's ok. You can use mine."

Bedtime Stories

This is the book Adelle has been taking to bed with her the past few nights. How many three year olds choose that for their bedtime story?! This is the same three year old who told her Grandma that Daddy was Santa Claus! Oh how I love this spunky little girl!

I'm a Grandma!

Adelle "gave birth" to two babies a couple nights ago. They looked remarkably like my heating pads. She had a boy named Cutie and a girl named Rainbow. As if that isn't sweet enough, she laid each of them on her chest after they "came out" and patted their little backs. What a little angel!

Coming Soon...

Grace recently completed her second three-week session of physical therapy at Now I Can and it was awesome! I will post pictures and her new video in the next few days.

In the meantime...Granger High school is doing a

benefit concert for Grace

 on Wednesday, October 12th, at 7:00 pm. Their Dance Company, Show Choir, and Drill Team will all be performing, as well as the Dance Companies from Hunter and Cypress High Schools. Grace will be performing in the final number of the evening with the Dance Company! Super cute!! She will also be presented with a special needs tricycle so she can FINALLY ride a bike. Hooray! Tickets are $5 each and can be purchased at the door. It's going to be a fun, fun night!!

fun, fun, FUN!! (and for a good cause!)

grace will soon be starting her next round of intensive physical therapy at Now I Can. Hooray!

so, on saturday, august 27th we are holding a yard sale/bake sale to raise funds for her therapy. there is also an online auction we've put together with tons of fun, fun things to bid on.

thank you thank you thank you to all you generous angels who have donated your time and talents!!

Click HERE to go to our auction and look around! You'll be glad you did!
And click on THIS to see her video from her last session. It's AMAZING!

Here fishy, fishy, fishy!

We had such a great time fishing in Tibble Fork Reservoir with my parents. Unfortunately, the fish weren't biting much, but we made some good memories!

 



Dad used to take me fishing all the time when I was a girl...

And now he's fishing with my little girl!



Sophie LOVED having Grace play with her!





Baptism Day

My sweet, sweet baby girl was baptized on August 6th and it was an absolutely

 beautiful day!

Building up to her baptism I was feeling a little sad because I felt like her baptism was the next big step to her growing up and moving away, but her enthusiasm become contagious! She was literally counting down the hours until her baptism and had a permanent smile on her face the entire day. I was so proud of her!

 My mom made Alexa's dress she wore for her confirmation, and her baptism dress was the dress my mom made for me when I was baptized. It was so special! I will never forget the look on her face when I met her in the dressing room when she first came out of the water. 

"I made 10 goals!"

 A wonderful young scout in Provo put together a soccer camp for children with special needs with Now I Can. My girls were SO excited to play soccer and had the best time!! They even received little trophies!

I'm just going to say it

So, most of my blog posts are pretty generic and unemotional. Just trying to document what our little family is doing.

But today...

I need an outlet.

And today I'm going to admit, out loud, which I never ever do, that sometimes...

it's
just
not
fair
I never ever EVER want anyone to feel sorry for me so it's easy to put on a happy face, but sometimes I just don't want to.

Everyday I watch my sweet little girl crawl around on the floor. Five-year old girls don't crawl on the floor.

Everyday I see her struggle to crawl up the stairs.

Everyday I see her wait patiently at the kitchen table waiting for us to get her down while the other girls have long gone.

Everyday I send her to school wondering if she's going to have fun at recess.

Everyday I send her to school and wonder if she's going to have an accident in her diaper (yes, no bowel control quite frankly sucks)

Everyday I wonder if the kids at school are going to see her diaper hidden under the panties I put on her.

Everyday I wonder if the pain in her head is from a normal headache, or if her shunt is failing. 

Everyday I wonder if I'm a bad mom for getting impatient with her mental/emotional needs.
Everyday my heart breaks a little when she says, "someday, when I'm like Alexa, I'm going to run a race!"

Everyday I strategize how I am going to go shopping with all four girls, because I can't push a shopping cart and wheelchair at the same time.

Everyday I wonder if I give my 7-year old too much responsibility because she helps me push the shopping cart and wheelchair at the same time.

Everyday I look outside and think, "wish I could walk the girls home from school today, but I can't push a stroller, a wheelchair, and carry a walker at the same time."

Everyday I wish with all my heart and soul that she could run around and play with the other kids.

Everday I take pride in the way her sisters crawl on the floor with her when they race, or let her win when she's walking.

Everyday I am thankful for the sweet hugs and kisses she gives me.

Everyday I thank Heavenly Father for trusting me with such a special little angel.

Everyday I am thankful for a loving and sweet husband who never, ever begrudges the struggles we face with this special gift.

Everyday I am thankful for a wise husband who let me see that God has a plan and will still love me even when I feel so angry that my daughter isn't healed. When I can't read the scripture stories about

the lame man who could walk

and the blind man who could see.

Or when I feel bad that no matter how much faith I have that she will be healed that it just won't matter.

Everyday I am thankful for my savior and for the atonement, because

Everyday

my

heart

hurts

Anyone Feel Like a Run?

Most of you know that Grace participated an intensive physical therapy program through a non-profit organization called Now I Can. She had therapy four hours a day, five days a week, for three weeks in Provo. Wow! Her session was an extremely exhausting and emotional experience for her (and us!) and she developed life-changing skills that have helped her in ways that no other therapy could. Before therapy Grace couldn't take more than three steps in her crutches, and now she walks the hallways at church. Before therapy we believed that the best ambulation she would have would be in crutches, but now we have hope that someday Grace will walk COMPLETELY independently! What we have received from our experience at Now I Can is priceless, and we look forward to her next three-week session in August.

On May 14th Now I Can is hosting its annual Run to Walk in Provo. It's a 5k/1 mile walk or run, and we want to invite you all to join us! Obviously, we will love you whether you participate or not, but we would like to give everyone an opportunity to participate in such a neat event. (We recently participated in the Hydrocephalus Association's annual walk and kept it a secret, then had people say, "why didn't you tell us!?" So, now we're telling EVERYONE!)

Please feel free to forward this information to anyone you think might be interested. This is our first time and we are super excited! Also, please let me know if you decide to register so that I can let Now I Can know who we have recruited (we get $ off her session for each person we recruite).

I've been a super-slacker in getting this info out and the walk prices increase on Friday. Oopsie! So, if you decide you want to do this please register TODAY! (Or tomorrow, I guess. haha!) Complete info on the race is at http://www.runtowalk.com/.

Thank you all for your constant loving support of Grace and her efforts.

PS...Again, please don't feel any obligation...we know its an early morning and not close to home. We will be walking in the Hydrocephalus Walk in August so there will be another opportunity to walk for Grace if you want to! :0)

Here is the link to Grace's video of her last session at Now I Can. Grab your tissue and enjoy! 

Grace's Therapy at Now I Can 

First Birth

Wow, birth is beautiful! A couple weeks ago I had the priviledge of attending a client's birth as her doula. It was an amazing and beautiful experience and I feel so honored to be a part of it! Yay!